DPDR or derealization/depersonalization can present with really difficult mental and emotional symptoms. These can include OCD intrusive thoughts, specifically existential intrusive thoughts.
What is Existential OCD/Dread?
Existential dread/OCD is characterized by intrusive thoughts about the meaning life, what happens to us when we die and thoughts about spirituality and God, source or the universe. These thoughts are very intrusive and can feel dark, gloomy and scary.
My intrusive thoughts centered a lot around what happens when we die. These thoughts were really scary and isolating. I also had intrusive thoughts about going into psychosis. I was terrified I was losing my mind.
But fear not, this is actually a normal symptom of DPDR.
Let me explain:
When you are experiencing DPDR you are in an activated state, the freeze response of the sympathetic nervous system.
This causes these existential dread/OCD thoughts for 2 major reasons:
- when you have these intrusive thoughts, due to the already heightened state of stress you are in, the more likely you are to obsess over every little negative thought you have. The more you worry and obsess over these negative thoughts the more you reinforce them which causes more negative thoughts. it really is a vicious cycle.
- Once stuck in the stress response the brain is on high alert scanning our environment for threats. When these intrusive thoughts come into our awareness our brain then thinks that is the stressor. This causes the tendency to ruminate over these negative thoughts. This further perpetuates the cycle through negative reinforcement. Your brain and nervous system are desperately trying to figure out why you feel the way you do so these thoughts trick your brain into thinking that these thoughts are real and the source of your stress and discomfort.
It’s important to remember that these thoughts are not who you are. Your outer environment feels scary, and your thoughts are disturbing only because you are stuck in an activated nervous system. Not because there is something wrong with you.
So, what do you do about existential dread?
There is really nothing special you have to do. You don’t have some form of incurable mental illness. For me, those negative intrusive thoughts about going into some form of psychosis or that I was going to go insane were not true for me. They obviously are not true for you either.
If you are reading this and that is your fear, don’t worry. people who experience episodes of psychosis do not know they are in a psychotic episode. They believe that is their reality.
So just the simple fact that you are afraid you are, is a great sign that you won’t.
That knowledge alone was really helpful for me. of course, I still had the negative, scary intrusive thoughts but it then became easier for me to not engage or ruminate over them as much.
It’s important to remember that DPDR is caused and fueled by stress and anxiety. So are the existential intrusive thoughts.
Working on whatever can bring you peace and calm. working on things that regulate the nervous system. utilizing tools that reduce stress, things that calm anxiety and reduce panic attacks all work to heal DPDR.
When you work on healing your stress response, your anxiety you inadvertently heal DPDR because DPDR is driven by stress and anxiety
When you calm your nervous system, the intrusive thoughts will begin to dissipate. The process might be slow, it won’t happen overnight. But that’s ok.
Did you get into this place of anxiety and overwhelm, stress and panic over night? No, I’m sure there were several factors that lead you here, as was true for me. It takes time to heal.
But healing is very much possible. Take a look at my 4 part DPDR series where I talk about my struggle with DPDR and how I learned to cope and heal.
I wish you all the best on your healing journey friend. Remember you are not alone. There are tools and there is help.
Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is not meant to diagnose or treat any medical condition. If you have any medical or psychiatric concerns, please seek the advice of a licensed healthcare provider.
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