DPDR or derealization/depersonalization can present with really difficult mental and emotional symptoms. These can include OCD intrusive thoughts, specifically existential intrusive thoughts.

What is Existential OCD/Dread?

Existential dread/OCD is characterized by intrusive thoughts about the meaning life, what happens to us when we die and thoughts about spirituality and God, source or the universe. These thoughts are very intrusive and can feel dark, gloomy and scary.

My intrusive thoughts centered a lot around what happens when we die. These thoughts were really scary and isolating. I also had intrusive thoughts about going into psychosis. I was terrified I was losing my mind.

But fear not, this is actually a normal symptom of DPDR.

Let me explain:

When you are experiencing DPDR you are in an activated state, the freeze response of the sympathetic nervous system.

This causes these existential dread/OCD thoughts for 2 major reasons:

1. when you have these intrusive thoughts, due to the already heightened state of stress you are in, the more likely you are to obsess over every little negative thought you have. The more you worry and obsess over these negative thoughts the more you reinforce them which causes more negative thoughts. it really is a vicious cycle.
2. Once stuck in the stress response the brain is on high alert scanning our environment for threats. When these intrusive thoughts come into our awareness our brain then thinks that is the stressor. This causes the tendency to ruminate over these negative thoughts. This further perpetuates the cycle through negative reinforcement. Your brain and nervous system are desperately trying to figure out why you feel the way you do so these thoughts trick your brain into thinking that these thoughts are real and the source of your stress and discomfort.

It’s important to remember that these thoughts are not who you are. Your outer environment feels scary, and your thoughts are disturbing only because you are stuck in an activated nervous system. Not because there is something wrong with you.

So, what do you do about existential dread?

There is really nothing special you have to do. You don’t have some form of incurable mental illness. For me, those negative intrusive thoughts about going into some form of psychosis or that I was going to go insane were not true for me. They obviously are not true for you either.

If you are reading this and that is your fear, don’t worry. people who experience episodes of psychosis do not know they are in a psychotic episode. They believe that is their reality.

So just the simple fact that you are afraid you are, is a great sign that you won’t.

That knowledge alone was really helpful for me. of course, I still had the negative, scary intrusive thoughts but it then became easier for me to not engage or ruminate over them as much.

It’s important to remember that DPDR is caused and fueled by stress and anxiety. So are the existential intrusive thoughts.

Working on whatever can bring you peace and calm. working on things that regulate the nervous system. utilizing tools that reduce stress, things that calm anxiety and reduce panic attacks all work to heal DPDR.

When you work on healing your stress response, your anxiety you inadvertently heal DPDR because DPDR is driven by stress and anxiety

When you calm your nervous system, the intrusive thoughts will begin to dissipate. The process might be slow, it won’t happen overnight. But that’s ok.

Did you get into this place of anxiety and overwhelm, stress and panic over night? No, I’m sure there were several factors that lead you here, as was true for me. It takes time to heal.

But healing is very much possible. Take a look at my 4 part DPDR series where I talk about my struggle with DPDR and how I learned to cope and heal.

I wish you all the best on your healing journey friend. Remember you are not alone. There are tools and there is help.

_{Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is not meant to diagnose or treat any medical condition. If you have any medical or psychiatric concerns, please seek the advice of a licensed healthcare provider.}

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welcome to Part 4 of my DPDR and anxiety series.

First off, if you haven’t read my personal story and would like to, see part 1 here.

To learn more about what DPDR actually is, see part 2 here.

For a better understanding of what causes it see part 3 here.

_{Disclaimer: Please note this post may contain affiliate links. This means I may receive a commission if clicked at no extra charge to you.}

First Off…

The number one most important thing you need to know about DPDR is that you do not have some form of incurable mental illness.

You are simply dealing with a stressed-out nervous system (dysregulated nervous system) that has reached its breaking point with stress and has deployed the freeze response of the nervous system. This is a completely normal response; your brain and body are just trying to protect you. It is also communication from the body, letting you know that something desperately needs to change.

For me, having this information and understanding about DPDR helped me to look at it in a different way. I could slowly begin to move my perception away from that of fear to a place of curiosity and understanding. Knowing this opened up doors for me to really support my body instead of reinforcing the fear that actually kept me in the DPDR loop.

The next most important thing to getting over DPDR is losing the fear of the fear. This is also your ticket to healing panic attacks. When you can come to understand that DPDR is just a symptom of a stressed-out nervous system, that DPDR is simply a manifestation of anxiety, that it is just your body’s alarm bell signaling that change is needed, that’s when you can truly begin to heal.

This understanding is the first step to losing the fear of your symptoms and when you stop fearing your symptoms you already begin to heal simply because DPDR is fueled by anxiety. So, conquer what causes your anxiety and you will inadvertently heal your DPDR. I talk more about that in part 2 here.

Also Important to note…

Another important aspect to healing DPDR, Panic and anxiety is remembering that ANYTHING that combats anxiety and regulates the nervous system will heal DPDR. Any practice that works on those 2 things will get you closer to healing. Remember that DPDR is literally just a manifestation of anxiety.

Second, please be patient. The next most important aspect healing is time and consistency. You didn’t just wake up in a state of dysregulation, it took time to get there. It’s going to take time for healing to happen. When you find a practice that works for you stay CONSISTENT. Your journey to healing should involve lifestyle changes (leaving behind the things that led you to dysregulation). Remember to stick to what is working for you.

Ok so here are great places to start (remember that your healing journey won’t necessarily be like anyone or everyone else’s. Always take what works and resonates with you and leave what doesn’t)

Supporting your Body/Nervous System Regulation

Vitamin B12, Magnesium, gut health and adrenal health are monumental for anxiety/panic and play a role in the regulation of the nervous system. Supporting your body is the foundation you want to work off of. Vitamin and mineral deficiencies, gut problems and adrenal burnout are all physical issues that can cause symptoms and manifestations of anxiety.

Also important for supporting the body is blood sugar balance. This is majorly important because symptoms of low blood sugar mimic symptoms of anxiety AND DPDR. Even now I can tell when my blood sugar is getting too low because I feel shaky and in a fog. Eating every 2-3 hours especially in the beginning of my healing journey was KEY. Read more about this here.

Supporting your body also means ditching the things that aren’t good for it, like alcohol. Alcohol feels good in the moment but can really elevate anxiety for several days after. Stimulants like nicotine and caffeine can exacerbate anxiety which can make DPDR symptoms worse. Refined sugar is also another culprit to increased anxiety.

Getting adequate sleep is another powerful way to support the body. When your body is fully rested it is much more resilient to daily stress which in turn lowers anxiety levels.

Grounding or earthing is a great practice that reduces stress and regulates the nervous system.

Having a solid morning routine can positively impact anxiety, I really noticed this for myself. Click here to read about the importance of a good morning routine.

Somatic Practices

Somatic practices involve engaging and connecting with the body in a way that helps release stuck and stored past trauma or emotions.

Movement like yoga is a form of somatic therapy. Movement IS medicine! Exercise of any kind releases feel good neurotransmitters and reduces stress and anxiety, but the practice of yoga cultivates presence and connection with the body. Check out this post on yoga for anxiety.

Breathwork is also another form of somatic practice and is also a form of meditation. It helps bring your awareness and attention to the body and grows your connection with your sensations and emotions/feelings.

Breathwork along with yoga creates congruency in the nervous system that, overtime, creates balance and regulates the nervous system.

Supporting your Mind

You know the saying that you are what you eat? Well, the same can be said for your mind. “As a person thinks, so they are”. You put trash in you get trash out.

So firstly, get off the forums about anxiety, panic and DPDR.

Most of the stories and experiences you are going to find on forums and groups are people who are not healing, who are stuck in their symptoms. Why? because most people that have healed aren’t posting on those pages anymore, why should they? They aren’t thinking about DPDR anymore.

I would, however, still would read forums and stories that I found online but only if the stories were positive.

Since DPDR is a symptom of anxiety and a dysregulated nervous system the goal then becomes to overcome anxiety and regulate the nervous system, right?

When you have supported your body, addressed your physical health and anxiety and DPDR symptoms are still present it is probably because they have now simply become a learned pattern and behavior. AKA an anxious negative feedback loop.

So, stop reinforcing your narrative with negative stories, negative thoughts and negative content.

Neuroplasticity

So how do you get off the feedback loop or negative anxiety cycle? Neuroplasticity exercises.

Neuroplasticity basically means building new neuronal pathways in the brain. It’s like a workout for your brain.

When you respond to certain situations that aren’t necessarily scary, like driving, with anxiety and panic, it’s because negative anxious pathways have been created in the brain.

Neuroplasticity helps you create new positive pathways in the brain and new ways of perceiving situations.

My favorite book that talks about anxiety and neuroplasticity exercises is this one here.

Positive affirmations, EFT (tapping) and meditation are all forms of neuroplasticity exercises you can start today.

Make sure that the content you consume through books, TV, social media etc is reinforcing the narrative of your healing so it needs to be positive content only.

Make sure that it elevates your mood, not dampens it.

Check out this post on the complete list of books I have read that helped me along the way in my healing journey.

Supporting your Soul

This can be a tough subject. You do not need any spiritual or religious beliefs to heal DPDR or anxiety. In my opinion it just elevates and expedites the healing process.

Studies show that prayer can change your mindset, outlook and mood.

Whether you believe in source energy, God, the universe etc. Faith in a higher power increases hope for a better future, for healing and for restoration.

I recommend the Holy Bible, specifically the parables and teachings of Jesus Christ. The untethered soul by Michael A. Singer. The power of now by Echart Tolle Love Wins by Rob Bell and What we talk about when we talk about God by Rob Bell, Having the Mind of Christ by Ben Sternke and Matt Tebbe

Key Takeaway

DPDR is not something to fear. It is simply a manifestation or byproduct of an overworked and stressed out nervous system. It is simply a symptom of anxiety. When you can learn to embrace your symptoms, listen to them as a signal from the body that change is needed you can then begin to lose the fear of the fear and healing can truly begin.

Addressing issues that contribute to anxiety physically, mentally and spiritually will ultimately heal DPDR. Focusing on reducing stress and anxiety is your ticket to freedom!

Remember healing IS possible, give yourself grace when times get tough. You can and will get through this.

I wish you healing my friend.

_{Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is not meant to diagnose or treat any medical condition. If you have any medical or psychiatric concerns, please seek the advice of a licensed healthcare provider.}

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If you are suffering from DPDR (derealization and depersonalization) you are probably wondering what has caused it, right? I did too.

I desperately searched for answers.

before I go any further if you don’t exactly understand or know what DPDR is, read part 2 here.

“You may be wondering if you have some form of incurable mental illness?”

Thats ok! I did too. It’s easy to make that assumption when you feel so strange and weird. It’s also scary when nothing you do seems to make it better and your symptoms worsen with stress.

It’s so important to understand that DPDR is a symptom of a dysregulated nervous system. That it stems from anxiety.

DPDR is a manifestation of stress, anxiety and stressed-out nervous system.

when you work on healing and conquering your anxiety and regulating the nervous system, you inadvertently heal your DPDR.

Triggers for DPDR

There are several different major triggers that I will list. Just remember that anything that can trigger anxiety and panic can also trigger DPDR.

1. Marijuana: I hate to say it but weed can cause DPDR. Why? Because for some, weed can induce anxiety and panic, which can lead to DPDR. Being high mimics some symptoms of DPDR and a lot of people with weed induced episodes of DPDR claim it feels like a never ending high. If this is the category you fall under, ending your relationship with marijuana is important if you want to recover.
2. Panic attacks: Yep. Panic attacks. They can cause the symptoms of DPDR because it is caused by anxiety. When you panic over your symptoms you make DPDR worse since anxiety and stress are the driving force behind it. Losing the fear of the fear and/or your symptoms is key to healing.
3. Stimulates: Nicotine, caffeine etc. Stimulates can increase anxiety and heart rate, as well as increasing the excitatory neurotransmitters in the brain, all of which can exacerbate anxiety thus increasing the risk for DPDR or worsening the symptoms. For me quitting smoking was a game changer for my symptoms.
4. Trauma/stress: Trauma and stress can trigger DPDR because it causes anxiety. Trauma can cause a person to get stuck in the negative feedback loop of anxiety.

This is not an exhaustive list, just a highlight of the most common triggers. Now let’s talk about what can trigger anxiety and possibly DPDR.

Anxiety and Panic Triggers

As well as the things mentioned above:

1. Vitamin and mineral deficiencies: Vitamin b12 could arguably be the most important vitamin for the healthy function of the nervous system Vitamin B12 Deficiency Anxiety: What You Need to Know. – SoulMedicinals. All the B vitamins are important for the healthy function of not only the nervous system but the entire body. Magnesium is involved in over 600 enzymatic processes in the human body. Read more about mag deficiency and anxiety here.
2. Lack of sleep: Sleep is majorly important for mental health by not only improving cognitive function and memory but sleep is also vital for processing traumatic events and stressful situations.
3. work and home life stress: Creating balance at work and home is so important for anxiety and stress. Take note of what’s all on your plate. How can you better delegate your responsibilities to lessen your mental and physical load?
4. Alcohol and drug abuse: Alcohol and drug consumption not only decreases quality of sleep but causes imbalances in neurotransmitters like dopamine and GABA, both of which play a role in mental health. Alcohol and drugs can also cause vitamin and mineral deficiencies.
5. Gut imbalances: Gut issues like SIBO, H Pylori and chronic antibiotic use can cause imbalances in the gut microbiome leading to mental health issues like anxiety. Read more about that here.
6. low blood sugar: When your blood sugar gets to low, it can mimic the signs of anxiety, panic and DPDR.

Don’t worry!

There is hope! If you have found yourself in the unfortunate situation of DPDR, this won’t last forever. Even if it feels that way right now.

It takes work but it is absolutely worth it and most of all POSSIBLE.

Stay tuned for part 4 on how to heal DPDR!

_{Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is not meant to diagnose or treat any medical condition. If you have any medical or psychiatric concerns, please seek the advice of a licensed healthcare provider.}

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Welcome to my DPDR series part 2. In this 4-part series I am covering my personal story of my struggle with anxiety and DPDR, what DPDR is and how to heal. If you haven’t read part 1 (my personal story) check it out here.

DPDR: what you really need to know?

DPDR or derealization/depersonalization is defined as a mental health disorder where a person feels detached from their body and/or reality. It’s completely harmless and it can’t hurt you although it can feel frightening and very uncomfortable. DPDR is the freeze response of the nervous system. It’s role is to protect us. When the nervous system is dysregulated we can get “stuck” in the freeze response.

Symptoms of DPDR

DPDR is characterized by the feeling of being detached from oneself. Also feeling like your living life from inside an imaginary glass container. Feeling that the world is fake or you’re living out a movie scene. The wide range of symptoms can include Brain fog, inability to concentrate, the feeling of impending doom (the feeling that something terrible is about to happen) fatigue, existential thoughts, fear of going insane, or losing touch with reality, irrational fears involving the world around you and the inability to recognize yourself in the mirror or your loved ones.

Why am I experiencing DPDR?

If you’re having these symptoms, you’re probably wondering why on earth you are feeling this way. There’s a simple explanation for that. When we experience the symptoms of DPDR it’s our brain and nervous systems way to protect us from a stressful situation or experiencing any further trauma. Our nervous system is basically saying it has reached its max capacity to handle stress and is shutting down.

Fight or Flight and FREEZE(DPDR)?

Humans are designed with the fight or flight response of the nervous system for protection. Just imagine our ancestors running from threats like a bear or tiger, thank goodness for the stress response, right? The adrenaline fight or flight sent pumping through their veins that increased their strength and agility to prepare them to either fight the predator or run from them, kept them safe.

Freeze

There is also another mode of the nervous systems response to stress and that is the freeze response. The freeze response is deployed when either the fight or the flight response isn’t feasible. It’s basically the body’s last-ditch effort. Consider an ancestor that came upon a threat like a tiger, who was unable to run away, and the attempts made to fight off the tiger failed. In this situation since there is the potential for serious trauma caused by the tiger, the body then deploys the freeze response. This causes the sensations of separation from one’s body in an attempt to decrease the pain and the sensations of trauma of the experience. The freeze response works as a buffer between what is happening in our environment and how we perceive it.

In normal responses the nervous system would only stay in this state for a short period of time, until the threat or traumatic event has ended. It becomes a problem when dealing with everyday stress, traumatic experiences that are not properly coped with or triggers from drugs and alcohol that causes the nervous system to get STUCK in the stress cycle.

So, if you feel like your head is in a glass jar, that’s a perfectly normal response. It’s basically putting a buffer between the outside world and your perception of it. Your body is just trying to protect you! Even though there is no real danger.

That’s sounds terrible?! It is but only when you don’t understand it. When you can learn to understand what’s happening to you, the quicker you can heal. 

But why are my thoughts so scary?!

You may also be wondering why you’re having terrible existential thoughts and everything around you feels scary and off. Well, there’s a good explanation for that as well! When we are in fight or flight and or the freeze response of the nervous system we are on high alert.

During these phases of the nervous system the amygdala (the stress center of the brain) is tuned in and turned on. The amygdala prepares us to fight, run or freeze. When the amygdala is activated, this shuts down the logical thinking parts of the brain (the frontal lobe). Our mind is desperately trying to figure out why we feel the way we do but without the help of our logical thinking brain, our thoughts can turn weird and scary.

Knowledge IS Power

This all can be incredibly frightening and frustrating unless you are impowered with this knowledge. Understand that DPDR is simply the freeze response of the nervous system. This can help you look at your symptoms in better ways.

This can open the door for healing because DPDR is driven by fear. When you can begin to perceive your symptoms as your body’s way of protecting you, you can start to dissolve the fear. Once you can dissolve the fear, you can begin to end the cycle of stress. Then the symptoms of DPDR naturally dissipate.

Click here for part 3

I wish you healing friend.

_{Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is not meant to diagnose or treat any medical condition. If you have any medical or psychiatric concerns, please seek the advice of a licensed healthcare provider.}

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Welcome to my DPDR (depersonalization and derealization) and Anxiety series. part 1.

^{_{In this post I am going to share with you my journey with DPDR, the symptoms that I had, what I believe brought it on and how long I struggled with it. Ya know, just the important stuff.}}

I am sharing my story in hopes that I can help someone else who is suffering. I know this is going to reach the people who need it and are desperate to heal and return to a fulfilling and joyful human experience.

My Story

I had my first experience with DPDR about 4 years ago. It was the summer of 2020. What a great year right? My youngest was around 7 months old and she was a terrible sleeper. I was getting around 2-4 hours of sleep a night, working full time as a home health nurse, taking care of my family and my house all while dealing with a very painful postpartum condition I was having a hard time healing from. I also had to have a caesarian to deliver my baby and that experience was really traumatic for me. I also was a drinker and a cigarette smoker who did not eat a healthy diet. I was burnt the F*** out. Since I didn’t listen to my body and take a break, cut my hours down at work, ask for help with my baby, change my lifestyle and see a specialist for my health problem, my adrenals burnt out and I started having massive anxiety and panic attacks. These panic attacks further perpetuated my stress and landed me on the hamster wheel that is the “panic cycle”.

The combination of being stuck in the panic cycle and my adrenals being burnt out led to DPDR. My first experiences with it felt like I was in a fog, and I had this feeling of impending doom that was slightly intense and would come and go. I didn’t even know that’s what it was at the time. I had no explanation for why I felt fearful all of a sudden for seemingly no reason.

This lasted for around a month to maybe 2 months. I did various things to get better and heal from burnout that helped a lot. I went back to work, my youngest started sleeping through the night. I got better. The end. I wish!

Burnt out Again

In the following 4 years since I burnt out the first time, I didn’t stick to a healthier diet and lifestyle. I continued to drink alcohol, I continued to smoke cigarettes, I quit taking the supplements that was recommended to me by my physician and I did nothing to manage the daily stress from being a working mother and wife.

On top of all of the above, in the fall of 2022 my brother passed away. Tragically and unexpectedly. I did not cope with his death very well. This inability to cope led me to drink more and focus less on my mental and physical health.

I also tried smoking weed ONCE a few months following his passing in hopes to ease my stress and anxiety. This unfortunately caused me to have a terrible trip that set me into a massive panic attack and DPDR episode that lasted several months.

The feeling of being in a fog, the sensation of impending doom and existential thoughts came flooding back to me like I had experienced in my first period of burnout. I managed to cope for a few months and thought I was getting better until I got stuck in bad weather while driving home from work and ended up having a massive and debilitating panic attack in my car.

This led me to fear driving and I started having panic attacks at home shortly after, so this then began making me fear being by myself. I quit eating because it got to the point that I was waking up in the morning with panic attacks so severe I was vomiting. These panic attacks led to worsening of my DPDR that was so bad I was terrified to step outside of my house. I had fears of everything and strange thoughts that I was going to go insane and that I had some form of an incurable mental health disorder.

I would have a panic attack if I was left alone, I would panic if I had to leave my house, I would panic if I even heard the word mental illness because it triggered my fears of going crazy or insane. From the start of my panic attacks to its peak, where my symptoms were at the worst they would get, was a span of about 3 months.

During those 3 months I experienced terrible brain fog, irrational fears, the feeling of impending doom, the world around me looked fake and scary, like random objects seemed scary for no reason, I constantly felt fearful of everything, and I had terrible existential thoughts and dread. I became terrified of death and dying, and I felt like I was living completely separated from the world around me. It felt like I was living behind a pane of glass. My major symptom that was the hardest for me was the fear of going insane, developing schizophrenia or psychosis or something else. It really weighed me down for those months. Another major fear of mine was the fear that I would never get better. I constantly feared being scared and miserable for the rest of my life. I really thought for a while I was not going to get any better.

Surprise! I DID THOUGH…

Despite all my fearful, negative and ugly thoughts, none of it actually came true! shocker, right? I mean I spent so much time obsessing over my symptoms fearing the worst-case scenario with every sensation I felt in my body and none of it came true. Not even slightly true.

Now that I have read and researched and put in the work to heal myself from these debilitating symptoms, I want to share with others how they can heal to. This didn’t happen overnight, it’s been nearly 10 months since I had my debilitating panic attack in my car and I am still working on driving long distances by myself, so this will take time and effort and persistence, but it can be done!

Enough about me

Stay tuned for part 2!

I want to leave you with this one thought. DPDR is not something to fear. It can be conquered. YOU can get better.

I believe in you!

I wish you healing my friend.

_{Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is not meant to diagnose or treat any medical condition. If you have any medical or psychiatric concerns, please seek the advice of a licensed healthcare provider.}

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